Are you a sucker for Sucker Punch?

--reviewed by X

If you've been keeping up with movies at all for the past few months, you have undoubtedly seen the trailer for Zack Snyder's Sucker Punch. I recall the 2^nd (or 3^rd I forget… I've seen that trailer way too many times) time I was watching it before some movie, and the response of one audience member was, "okay… so hot girls, nice action… I'm down for watching it." I must admit, when I saw the trailer for the first time, the same thought entered my mind. The movie is definitely geared towards videogame/anime loving nerdy young adults, who, at one time or another, had fantasies similar to that of hot girls in fetish outfits battling samurai/dragon/airplane/whatever.

What happens when your best simply isn't good enough?

Rating: MEHHH

Two of my friends have a simple reply for the title question: "Your boss would yell at you." Either that, or you'd get fired. And then you'd be a loser and live on the street, asking people for change, and going "GOD BLESS!" whenever someone gives you that nickel (or quarter, if you're lucky).

But of course, that wouldn't make an interesting movie. Instead, the movie focuses on how you can be better than your best -- through taking a drug that lets you access all of your brain, making you an enhanced version of yourself (or to put it in nerdier terms, it makes you go Super Saiyan).

Call of Duty: Defying the Critics

--reviewed by Jay

What do Street Fighter, Tomb Raider, and the last installment of Resident Evil have in common? The answer, they are all movies based on popular video game franchises, and they are hated by nearly all critics, garnering 16%, 19% and 25% ratings respectively on Rotten Tomatoes. These three catastrophes are not the exception but part of the rule, for the reactions to big screen adaptations of video games have been so overwhelmingly bad that one can almost hear the collective groan of audiences and critics alike when the trailer for the next inevitable attempt flashes across the screen.

Sure Battle: Los Angeles is not officially based on any video game, but just from its trailer and various clips shown around the web, it wouldn't be much of a stretch to imagine the words Call of Duty floating in front of the title. So perhaps no one should be surprised when critics united in lambasting Battle: Los Angeles (33% on Rotten Tomatoes). However, it would be a mistake to take these reviews at face value; their categorical condemnation of the film reveal more about the intellectual laziness and arrogant self-righteousness of their authors than the film’s actual merits.

How far would you go to be with the love of your life?

Three weeks ago, I saw a Chinese movie directed by Zhang Yimou by the name of Under the Hawthorn Tree about two young adults who fell in love at a time when the society looked down upon dating so early. The two lovers carried their affairs in secret, but when the girl's mother found out about affairs, she (the mother) told her that if he really loved her, he would keep his distance from her. Like a good Asian boy he complies. This compliance is meant to convey his true love for her, that despite wanting nothing else to be with her, he was willing to sacrifice it for the good of his lover.

Like Under the Hawthorn Tree, The Adjustment Bureau, written and directed by George Nolfi based on a short story by the name of "Adjustment Team" by Philip K. Dick, is also about how much one would be willing to sacrifice in the name of love. Matt Damon plays David Norris, a young, ambitious, idealistic Congressman seeking election for a seat in the Senate. However, upon a short encounter with Elise (Emily Blunt), when they share a brief but meaningful kiss, David realizes his true love lies with Elise, not at the hands of registered voters of New York City. The adjustment bureau quickly notices the spark, and was determined to separate the two lovers because according to "the plan", their love was never meant to be. Unlike the male protagonist in Under the Hawthorn Tree, David refuses to back down, and fights against his fate to be with the one he loves.

In other words, if Under the Hawthorn Tree is a Chinese version of Shakespeare's classic masterpiece Romeo and Juliet, taking place under the Cultural Revolution when Chinese people were overly naive, I believe that The Adjustment Bureau is a modern day version of Romeo and Juliet, taking place at a time when most of us believe in free will as opposed to fate.

Thoughts on results of Oscars 2011

A quick disclaimer before you read the rest: this is only the 2nd Oscars show that I've watched (the first being last year's), so my knowledge is extremely limited. Please feel free to disagree and educate me.

Compared to last year's academy award, I have to say this one was less suspenseful. Whereas last year's Oscars had a ex-husband vs ex-wife showdown at the end (James Cameron vs Kathryn Bigelow), the winner of this year's Best Picture, The King's Speech, was very much expected. The same could be said for the other 2 major awards, best actor and best actress, where Colin Firth and Natalie Portman were very much favored to win.

If only everything in the world came with a hall pass...

Movie: Hall Pass
SeaOfScenes Rating: FUCK YOU!!!!

Let's face it, in today's society, there are much too many bad movies out there. But just because a movie is bad, objectively speaking, doesn't mean one can't enjoy it. In fact, I like to categorize bad movies into 3 categories. The first ones are the movies that I objectively know is bad, but enjoy anyway because I had so much fun watching it. The best examples I can think of are Transformers (the 1st one, not the sequel), G.I. Joe: Rise of the Cobra, and Ninja Assassin. Although critics hated those movies, I had a lot of fun watching them, and I'd watch them again when I'm bored. The second category consists of movies that are so bad to the point that they are almost good, and I end up having a good time by laughing at how bad the movie was. The best example I can think of is M. Night Shyamalan's latest joke of a movie, The Last Airbender, in which everything was done so poorly that it was almost as if Mr. Shyamalan was trying make a comedy, much likes Team America: World Police, just to point out how poorly made some movies are. Then there is the third category, which consists of movies that just shouldn't have been made in the first place. These movies just piss me off while I'm watching them, and make me feel like I have wasted a few hours of my life that I will never get back.

Hall Pass is a prime example of a movie in the third category.

9/11 heroes and love story during the Cultural Revolution

This weekend, I had the pleasure watching two great movies: United 93 and Under the Hawthorn Tree. The former is a Paul Greengrass movie about the events that took place in 9/11, with its main focus on the plane that fell in Shanksville, Pennsylvania, while the second was a Chinese movie, directed by Zhang Yimou, that tells a simple love story that unfolded during the Chinese Cultural Revolution.

Though each was good enough merit its own entry, I will write both in one setting for the interest of saving time and making sure both movies get reviewed. I will start with "United 93" just because I saw that movie first, so scroll down if you're only interested in "Under the Hawthorn Tree."

First a Transporter, Now a Mechanic

When I first saw the trailer for The Mechanic, the first thing that came to mind was, "great, another Transporter movie." Accordingly, I went into the theaters expecting to see another mindless action film with lots of explosion, forgettable storyline, and extremely corny dialogue.

I was actually in for quite a pleasant surprise.

14 year old girl goes on quite the adventure

Yes, it's truly been a long time since this blog has been updated. While we can always use the "not enough time" excuse, but, at least in my case, the real problem is that I've been too lazy to write stuff. Anyway, I just watched True Grit with a few friends, so I'll try to write a short review of it. Disclaimer: it's 12am and I gotta get up at 7:30 tomorrow so I apologize for the hasty writing and lack of research.

Thoughts on this half-season of South Park

Time flies. It really does. It seems only a few days ago when I posted an entry about the new episodes of South Park, but the half-season is already over.

I'd say this is one of the better half-seasons that we've had. The two-part episode celebrating the 200th episode of South Park was great, as we finally found out the fate of Cartman's father. The episode also made a lot of references to the previous seasons, which made me feel really special for having watched every episode and being a true fan.

Perhaps it is good to have a beautiful mind, but an even greater gift is to discover a beautiful heart

I just saw A Beautiful Mind, and since I'll probably be going through my buddy list on AIM and telling my friends how I feel about the movie anyway, I might as well just write it here as a blog post.

First of all, I have to say, my judgment of the movie is extremely unfair, because I'm not really into biographical films, and my expectation for the movie was very high since it got 4 Oscars (all won in the important categories, might I add). And yes, the movie is very, very good, and I definitely recommend it. With that being said though, I do have a couple of complaints:

Twilight girl in an action movie?

According to the Fandango movie blog, Kristen Stewart will be replacing Angelina Jolie in a sequel to the action movie Wanted. Let's get a few things out of the way:

1. Kristen Stewart is a horrible actress.

2. Wanted was a terrible movie.

3. Wanted 2 will probably be an even worse movie.

Be that as it may, I am curious to see Kristen Stewart in some badass action role, bending bullet and popping heads. Maybe she'll finally break out of her role as the emo, whiny bitch that we've seen her in Adventureland and the Twilight saga.

Don't mess with little girls, there could be just that one girl who'll beat the $h1+ out of you...

Kick Ass -- RECOMMENDED

"Why aren’t there any real life superheroes?" asks Dave Lizewski (played by Aaron Johnson), an average high school dork who even gets made fun of by his dorky loser friends, to which is friend replies “dude, if anyone tried that in real life they’d get their ass kicked!”

But, as we can expect, Dave tries it anyway, and the first 30 minutes of the movie or so (don’t quote me on this, I did not time it while watching the movie) is almost entirely about how Dave puts on a silly Halloween costume, calling himself "Kick Ass" and gets his ass kicked by bad guys. As Damon Macready, the soon-to-be Big Daddy, puts it, "he should himself ass kick instead!" Sure, it was pretty funny watching an idiot getting beat up, but the jokes were pretty average, and they came at all the expected places. It would’ve been a pretty average movie, if it weren’t for the dynamic duo who comes in to save the day.

Enter Hit Girl (played by Chloe Moretz) and Big Daddy (played by Nicolas Cage).

The highly disturbing father-daughter relationship between the two is one of the best things about the movie. The two are introduced with Damon showing his daughter, Mindy, the soon-to-be Hit Girl, what it feels to be hit a bullet, and he does so by shooting her with a handgun. It sounds really lame when I write it, but trust me, when you see it on the big screen, you’ll see that’s some disturbing $h1+ right there. It’s also really, really, really, really really really funny.

Mindy’s first superhero act as Hit Girl is equally as disturbing, as she violently slashes all the bad guys Kill Bill style, leaving a bloodbath after her act. "I think I’m in love with her dude!" comments one of Dave’s friends. Who can blame him? There is just something to seeing a little girl half your size beating the living crap out of you in the most brutal way possible. And you can’t really be a pedophile for loving that psychopathic 11 year old girl, because she won’t a single problem castrating you the moment you even think about laying a hand on her. Fine, maybe that makes you a masochistic pedophile.

My only complaint was that Hit Girl did not appear sooner in the movie, for it is Hit Girl, not Kick Ass, who makes the movie so enjoyable to watch and worth the $8 I spent on watching it. But fear not, the possibility of a sequel is being talked about. My only request: please make the movie be more about Hit Girl, and less about Mr. Ass, Kick. In fact, just call the sequel Hit Girl, and make her take on the leading role!

His devotion to the mission is real, but the fight scenes are not

14 Blades -- MEHHH

So.. you've got Donnie Yen, Vicky Zhao, and Sammo Hung (albeit he only has less than 5 minutes of screen time total), in ONE MOVIE!!! Okay, some of you might be asking, “who the hell are they?” If you’re one of those people, then you might not want to see this movie. This Hong Kong movie exists purely because the studio knows that these 3 big name actors together in one movie will have a huge pull at the box office.

The premise of the movie is just as original as any other martial arts movie. It goes something this:

How to Train Your Dragon... and go from Loser to Stud

How To Train Your Dragon -- RECOMMENDED
by Kevin (guest writer)

As if we didn’t have enough 3D movies already this year with Avatar and Alice in Wonderland, along comes How To Train Your Dragon. For all those expecting an awesome movie filled with unexpected laughter this is your movie. The movie takes you into the world of Hiccup a Viking child who as the name implies always finds a way to screw things up. Yet one night during a dragon attack that all changes when he manages to catch one of the dragons in his trap.

Trailer Blietzkrieg

Sorry for being completely absent for the past couple of weeks, X and I have been working through our Modern Warfare 2 addiction, and yeah, it's pretty bad; we need help... Anyway here is a whole slew of trailers for you guys to watch:

Predators

This is a reboot of the original Predator classic. It takes place before the one with Arnold, and features an all star cast including Adrien Brody and Laurence Fishburne. I'm not very familiar with the work of director, Nimrod Antal, but from what I've heard, Robert Rodriguez is heavily involved with this project (I think he may be one of the producers). That's definitely a good sign because Rodriguez is acclaimed for his gritty visual style and taut story telling, not to mention he knows how to film kick ass action, which he put on fine display in works such as Sin City, Grindhouse and Once Upon a Time in Mexico. The premise of a bunch of people stuck on an island trying to survive against a dangerous alien species reminded me of the Jurassic Park and the Alien franchises (yes I know those were in space). Should be fun times at the theaters.

Must see trailers!

Trailers for some of the year's most anticipated blockbuster films were released in the past week. Check them out, I'll lead with my favorite:

Iron Man 2



Is there any reason you wouldn't watch this movie? I think not! I actually liked the tone of the first trailer better, it was funnier and more irreverent. Robert Downey Jr. reprises his role as the fast talking bad boy billionaire/savior of mankind Tony Stark/Iron Man. The trailer does a good job of outlining the plot. Mickey Rourke will play the villain Whiplash, but he seems to be bankrolled by some slick haired, white suitted corporate rival of Tony Stark who wants to build his own army of robot warriors. If you recall, the Afghan warlord who kidnapped Tony in the first movie wanted to do the same thing, but Obadiah Stane eliminated him before he got the chance. Seems like someone had the same idea, and that someone naturally succeeds since that someone is White. Fear not, Iron Man also gets some help in the form of War Machine, who's manned by his buddy Rhodey, no word on what happened to Terrence Howard (actually it was about money, surprise, surprise). Also Scarlett Johansson appears in the movie as Black Widow (I haven't read the comic book so I don't know who that is). Even more exciting, she's got red hair! One more cool thing, the Iron Man suit transforms into a briefcase. Badass!

New South Park Episode next week!

Let me be the last to observe that we are currently living in a golden age of satire. While citizens in earlier eras had Walter Cronkite and the "CBS Evening News" to help them navigate contentious and confusing matters of public import, more and more of us seem to rely on Jon Stewart and Comedy Central.

TAKE THAT, JAMES CAMERON!

Well well, what do you know. The best motion picture of the year did NOT go to James Cameron's Avatar. Instead (if you haven't heard already), the Best Motion Picture of the year went to The Hurt Locker. I don't know if I should be happy or sad. Maybe I should begin by making a T-chart.

--I should feel happy because...
Avatar is the big shot, the highest grossing movie of all time, and it's directed by the big shot James Cameron. Knocking off Avatar to let The Hurt Locker win means that the Academy still care more about the art than about the money. Plus Jay thinks Cameron has an ego problem, and after watching Cameron's speech about whether he'd be okay for his ex-wife (Bigelow) to take Best Directing award away from him, I agree with Jay. So letting The Hurt Locker win Best Picture does a good job in teaching Cameron a lesson in humility.

--I should feel sad because...
Once again the Academy has maintained its stand -- action movies do not win Best Picture. As an action movie lover (long live The Dark Knight!!!), this is my biggest beef against the Academy. But I can see how The Hurt Locker was good too, although I can't say I enjoyed Hurt Locker anywhere as much as I did Avatar.

Oscar predictions!

First off, let me start this post by saying FUCK CABLEVISION! For those of you who haven't heard, because Cablevision and ABC were not able to come to an agreement on retransmission fees, over 3 million households in the Tri-State area no longer have their local ABC 7 channel as of 12:01 AM this morning - meaning they won't be able to watch the Oscars tonight! Let me just say I don't give a shit who's right or who's wrong here; these are two multi billion dollar corporations trying to rip each other off and I have sympathy for neither. However, since I have to pay Cablevision over $20 a month just to get my seven basic channels that I can otherwise get free-over-the air with an antenna, the fact that they are taking away one of those channels on one of the most important TV nights of the year is completely and utterly despicable! I had originally planned to live blog the ceremony, but that's obviously no longer possible now. If like me, you're also suffering under Cablevision, you can get live updates on IMDB (also via their Twitter feed) or read a live blog on Deadline Hollywood.

Anyways, enough ranting and procrastinating, here are my closely-guarded picks for who should and who will win the most important awards of the night:

Best Picture
As much as I hate to say it, my favorite movie of 2009, District 9, has absolutely zero chance of winning this award. Neither do 6 other movies - The Blind Side, An Education, Precious, A Serious Man, Up in the Air and Up. I won't go into detail on why these movies have no shot, it ranges from no one saw them to the fact that they were just included to appease the masses. Most people think this is a David versus Goliath story, the $2.5 billion behemoth that is Avatar versus The Hurt Locker, that movie James Cameron's ex-wife made. While those two are certainly the front runners, don't discount the Weinstein brothers sinister and prodigious sway with the Oscar voters, making Inglorious Basterds, a viable Dark Horse candidate. In case anyone thinks I'm exaggerating, you can read up on how Shakespeare in Love stole the award from Saving Private Ryan in 1999. In the end however, I see Avatar taking down Best Picture, much like Titanic before it, since the biggest grossing movie of all time is hard to ignore, and also the movie deserves praise for bringing James Cameron's singular vision to life, as well as pushing the boundaries of film making.

Should win: Avatar
Will win: Avatar